Robert Bartleh Cummings. That’s the name of somebody who uses words like “balderdash” and has a Spanish manservant who brings him tea in the parlour, not a hardcore musician. That’s probably why Robert Bartleh Cummings became Rob Zombie. And a few years ago, Zombie once again transformed himself from rocker to filmmaker when he proved that he knows how to scare people with more than just his stage performance, as he directed a Halloween remake and its sequel, as well as The Devil’s Rejects and House of 1000 Corpses.
Now Zombie is back, with his long in development Lords of Salem and it looks kind of messed up.
Heidi Hawthorne, a blonde rock chick, DJs at the local radio station, and together with the two Hermans (Whitey and Munster) forms part of the “Big H Radio Team.” A mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record arrives for Heidi, “a gift from the Lords.” She assumes it’s a rock band on a mission to spread their word. As Heidi and Whitey play the Lords’ record, it starts to play backwards, and Heidi experiences a flashback to a past trauma. Later, Whitey plays the Lords’ record, dubbing them the Lords of Salem, and to his surprise, the record plays normally and is a massive hit with listeners. The arrival of another wooden box from the Lords presents the Big H team with free tickets, posters and records to host a gig in Salem. Soon Heidi and her cohorts find that the gig is far from the rock spectacle they’re expecting — the original Lords of Salem are returning, and they’re out for BLOOD.
Honestly, I much rather preferred the original shorter teaser trailer to this one. Scored with some Mozart, it was moody and atmospheric and only hinted at what was actually going on. Where as this is about as subtle as a shovel to the nose-bone.
What I find kind of weird though, is that both this and the previous teaser have not shown a single scene that has anything to do with the synopsis. You would swear that these are two different films entirely. Either they’re holding back a whole lot, or somebody messed up.