Cinophile – Deathstalker

Not all barbarian movies are made equal. Not all barbarian movies have budget for any real special effects. Not all barbarian movies can afford big, hulking slabs of Austrian meat. Not all barbarian movies follow the plot. But at least some barbarian movies knew how to make up for such shortfalls. It usually involves lots of nudity…

Deathstalker01

Deathstalker earns his name: as a fearsome warrior, he kills pretty much whatever gets in his way. That is if he doesn’t rape it. Perhaps the legendary swordsman just has a strange way with women, but when you add it all up, it still seems like rape. His female conquests are invariably unwilling at the start of their engagements. They might change their minds later, but Deathstalker clearly thinks to struggle is to consent. That said, he usually does something nice, so maybe that’s why he expects it. Nice things like killing all the people who were about to sacrifice said woman. The other warriors in this world are a lot less cultured.

Deathstalker02

This is a typical ‘barbarian’ tale, where men are big, women are nubile and costumes ridiculous. One woman wears an ensemble that would only work in a copy of Heavy Metal. One warrior wears a bizarre piece of chainmail that manages to both expose his midriff and make him look like a Gay Pride refugee. One character must be a pig monster, since he wears a giant pig’s head. The most clothed out of the lot is the evil wizard, who is covered quite well, but displays an incredible lack of fashion sense.

Deathstalker03

Deathstalker is the perfect proto-barbarian. He fights well, drinks well and…er… has lots of sex. And he does not let something like a super-low budget stop him from his conquests. The movie Deathstalker is, in spirit, the perfect barbarian tale. Okay, it could never match the fidelity of the Conan movies or the ridiculous brawn of Barbarian Brothers, but its heart is in the right place. Cut out with a dagger and left on an altar somewhere. Whoever did that probably raped the altar…

 

 

Cinophile is a weekly feature showcasing films that are strange, brilliant, bizarre and explains why we love the movies.

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About The Author

A total movie glutton, nothing is too bad or too obscure to watch, unless it's something like The Human Centipede. If you enjoyed that, there is something wrong with you. But bless you anyway - even video nasties need love...