This week, Disney makes a splash and Christmas inches ever closer, along with not-another-vampire-movie and some cringe-worthy “comedy”.
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Moana
Age Restriction: PG
Moana, a spirited teenager and born navigator, sets sail from the ancient South Pacific islands of Oceania in search of a fabled island. During her incredible journey, she teams up with her hero, the legendary demi-god Maui, to traverse the open ocean on an action-packed voyage, encountering enormous sea creatures, breathtaking underworlds and ancient folklore.
It’s a struggle to find any fault with Moana. There may be the tiniest niggles here and there, but overall it’s just a wonderful movie. Bright and colourful, with catchy songs and the best Disney Princess I’ve ever seen, Moana is going to be a sure fire hit with children and parents alike. If you’re still not convinced, it’s worth it to hear Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson belting out a Disney tune!
TheMovies review score: 4.5/5 stars
Rotten Tomatoes: 97%
Metacritic: 81
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Underworld: Blood Wars
Age Restriction: 16 H V
Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fends off brutal attacks from both the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. With her only allies, David (Theo James) and his father Thomas (Charles Dance), she must stop the eternal war between Lycans and Vampires, even if it means she has to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Unless you’re seriously a fan of Kate Beckinsale in skin-tight leather and a bad-ass attitude (which, let’s face it, who isn’t?) then you’ll definitely to skip Underworld: Blood Wars. Besides for the aforementioned vampire hottie, there’s nothing good about it. And she doesn’t even get enough screen time to make it worthwhile! Such a waste…
TheMovies review score: 1.5/5 stars
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Metacritic: unrated
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Almost Christmas
Age Restriction: 13 L
ALMOST CHRISTMAS tells the festive story of a beloved patriarch who asks his family for one gift this holiday season: to get along. If they can honor that wish and spend five days under the same roof without killing one another, it will be a Christmas miracle.
By far not the worst Christmas movie out there, Almost Christmas isn’t exactly the best either. It has its moments, and some committed performances by the talented cast, but it’s nowhere near likely to become a Christmas classic.
Rotten Tomatoes: 50%
Metacritic: 55
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Jonathan
Age Restriction: 16 L
Jonathan, a dreamer and wannabe stand-up comedian in his late 20’s, still lives with parents. After yet another failed open mic performance, he gets drunk and crashes his father’s dream bakkie. This is the last straw for his loving, but fed up parents, who eventually kick him out of the house. Sitting at a restaurant not knowing where to go, he watches car guards in the parking lot and decides that he will also become a car guard just to stay afloat until the next big stand-up competition, which he firmly believes he can win. After a very hostile reception by the other car guards, the eldest car guard decides to take Jonathan under his wing, teaches him the fine art of being a car guard and, more importantly, he teaches him about life and how to survive as an outcast.
One look at the poster and a quick glance at the synopsis confirmed everything I needed to know about this movie. It’s an Afrikaans comedy. I’m not even going to bother watching the trailer, but I’m sure you can expect a completely predictable story, lots of boitjie humour and a happy ending for the protagonist and the too-beautiful-to-true love interest that I’m sure is in there somewhere.
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For more information about the age restrictions, click here.
Last Updated: December 2, 2016
